My mum and I have always been close and she is one of my most favourite people to hang out with in the whole world. I remember when I met Lewis , one of the first things I told him was that if he liked me then he had to like my mum too (I was a very direct 18 year old!). Sure enough, a few months later, instead of attending the ’04 Uni Winterball…Lewis stayed in and watched CSI with my mum and I who was visiting for the weekend! (He was keen hehe). Thirteen and a half years later, they take the Mick out of each something crazy but are as thick as thieves (Shocking I know- getting on so well with your MIL!).
Self-confidence doesn’t come naturally to me. I have regularly been in uncertainty mode about being able to achieve something. However from as early as I can remember, my mum has and still is, my brother’s and my number one cheerleader. That constant who believes in our success in all we do.
I knew when I was younger that I didn’t want to stay in Belfast forever and was destined to leave after falling in love with Bath Spa University (from a picture because it reminded me of Pride and Prejudice. I know, I know…. but thank goodness I went to that University Fair because less than 12 months later I ended up meeting my own Mr Darcy). My point is at the brink of adulthood but still without a real clue, full of ideas that could have been labelled as unrealistic or a silly dream, my mum didn’t knock me down- it was a “Okay Laurie how do we make this happen?” The same when I was 16 and desperate to go to Kenya with a charity organisation. Despite the uncertainties, obstacles and concerns, my mums reaction – “Okay I believe you can do this, so how shall we make it become reality?” And at thirty one years old my hubby and I have some dreams cooking that aren’t necessarily deemed as the “norm,” but just like when I was 10,16,18….she is standing at the sideline cheering us every step of the way. That kind of love, well it enables me to think that anything, really is possible. It quietens the voices of self doubt and instead makes me believe in myself.
I cannot imagine what it is like to lose your mum.
And I know it has has happened to so many. It has happened to friends, it has happened to both my mum and dad. Being close to both my grans, I miss them often and think about them all the time. Yet I still cannot envision what losing your mum is like. And that is because I cannot imagine my life without my mum and I have been lucky enough that I haven’t had to. When I hear of others who do not have their own mums physically, I feel an affinity of pain for them. And a massive respect for them being able to face life without them. Although it has been nearly 5 and 10+ years since both my grans passed- the pain is still vividly there. But doesn’t that say so much about them as mothers, grandmothers, women? They are irreplaceable yes but they were the kind of mothers that have provided my mum and dad both with the strength and the ability to carry on and continue making them proud. That years later, they are not forgotten but still very much in the forefront and impacting present life.
A love like no other.
Becoming a mum a little over two years ago to Noah, has made me even more grateful and appreciative of my mum. Whether it is through Skype, a voice message or WhatsApp message, my mum tells me she loves me every single day and I always say back, I love you more. She told me that it wasn’t physically possible and when I became a mum one day, I would understand. And I can now say that the love I feel for Noah is like no other. It takes love to a completely different level- it is indescribable. I finally know what she meant.
My hope as a mum is for my kids to know that my love is unconditional. It doesn’t come with ifs and buts or with conditions. It comes without limitations and from a place in my soul that is reserved to be their biggest cheerleader and supporter. That when they call me up they know I am going to always be honest with them even if it is something they might not want to hear, but at the same time, they know I will eternally believe in them.
Because a mother’s love really is like no other. xxxx